the june recap
heatwaves, friendship bracelets and another puberty
Hi friends!
We are officially in the throes of summer. NYC has already gifted us at least two memorable heat waves, both of which I barely survived, and I’m sure they won’t be the last. Summer isn’t typically my favorite season despite being a summer baby — I don’t do particularly well in the heat. But despite that, I’m actually enjoying it so far!
I turned 33 at the tail end of June, and somehow, this is the youngest I’ve ever felt.
I finally feel like I have the confidence to express myself the way I’ve always wanted to, and it almost feels like I’m going through another puberty. I’m learning how to navigate this next chapter of myself, settling into what comes with getting older physically, figuring out what dating actually means in my thirties, and trusting my creative instincts in a way I never really have before.
I wrote more about all of that in my birthday essay, so I won’t repeat myself too much here. But I will say this: birthdays have always been weird for me.
If I had to guess, a lot of that comes from some good old abandonment wounds mixed with people pleasing tendencies. If I have a birthday celebration, my biggest fear is that no one will show up. That fear has steered me into skipping celebrations altogether. And if I do celebrate, I spend so much energy making sure everyone else is having a good time that I forget the day is supposed to be about celebrating me which absolutely feels weird and unnatural.
Despite my love for the stage, I don’t particularly enjoy being the center of attention in my personal life. Birthdays come with this invisible pressure to have the best day ever, and I think that pressure has made me hyperaware of whether or not I’m actually enjoying myself.
I also realized over the past few years that I used to measure my worth by how many people wished me a happy birthday. Every year that list gets a little smaller and smaller, probably because I’ve spent less and less time on social media, but it’s unexpectedly become one of the healthiest exercises in learning to find my confidence and self-worth from within instead of outsourcing it to everyone else.
And this year, I’m happy to report that my birthday was glorious.
I hosted a friendship bracelet making party, and it felt very me. I kept the guest list small, which helped my anxiety tremendously, and I did my best to stay present. My friends know how complicated birthdays can be for me, and they showed up with so much care that my anxiety quickly dissipated.
In the end, all I really wanted was to spend time with people I love. I almost forgot that was the whole point, and I finally felt comfortable to celebrate myself.
June was jam packed for me! So, here’s what’s been keeping me company this month:
reading
I’m finally getting back into my reading era and I have a very ambitious list for the summer! I am an avid Summerween celebrator, so in no particular order — here’s what I’m hoping to get to this season:
My Heart Is a Chainsaw by Stephan Graham Jones
This one is a love letter to slasher films wrapped inside a coming-of-age story about an isolated teenager who believes her knowledge of horror might be the only thing standing between her town and a massacre. I got this as a birthday gift two years ago, but we are reading it this summer, I swear!You Can Trust Me by Wendy Heard
A psychological thriller following two con artist friends whose latest job quickly spirals into something far more dangerous than either of them anticipated. One friend is invited to a billionare’s private island with the agenda to rob him in some capacity, but she doesn’t return. Her friend then ventures onto the island to find her. This reminds me of the movie Blink Twice with Channing Tatum. Definitely look up trigger warnings for this one, but highly recommend.The Only Survivors by Megan Miranda (4/5 stars!)
Years after a tragic accident left only a handful of survivors, the group reunites annually to honor the victims. But when someone disappears during one of those reunions, old secrets begin clawing their way back to the surface. I really enjoyed this one! It had every little trope that I could have wished for in a thriller like this. A group of friends brought together by tragedy, a secret, missing people — LOVE.Quarry Girls by Jess Lourey (currently reading)
Set in a small Minnesota town in the 1970s, this coming-of-age thriller follows a teenage girl who begins noticing that girls in her community keep disappearing. I just started reading this and I am hooked!Wonderland by Jennifer Hillier
A deputy police chief with a past to escape from moves into what seems like the perfect Pacific Northwest home, only to uncover disturbing secrets buried beneath its idyllic exterior. Complete with a body rotting in the main attraction of an amusement park, a missing teen and an apparent long list of missing persons that goes back decades. Sign. Me Up.Lost Man’s Lane by Scott Carson
Equal parts mystery and coming-of-age story, this book follows a teenager investigating the disappearance of a local classmate in town. The plot of this story seems to be reminiscent of Stephen King, which is great — but it also reminds me of the plot of All the Colors of the Dark by Chris Whitaker which was a 6 star read for me last year. A coming of age slow burn, with a huge thrilling mystery at the heart of it. YES.The Counselors by Jessica Goodman
Returning to the summer camp where she grew up, a young counselor finds herself caught between old friendships, secrets, and a murder. This just screams summer, pun quite literally intended!
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listening
Olivia Rodrigo’s You Look So Sad for a Girl so in Love - This album is my favorite release of the year so far, which is saying a lot. I’ve always enjoyed Olivia, but her music always reminded me of our age gap. However, I do love a concept album. In Girl so in Love, we follow a relationship Olivia was in from the beginning to end, and her perspective shifts throughout the album. It truly feels like her frontal lobe has developed, and I say that in the most endearing and respectful way. To hear her perspective from when she was so young writing songs to now, is truly a masterpiece to witness. Listening to this album feels like a rite of passage. Highly recommend!
Some other artists and songs I’ve been listening to:
Holly Humberstone’s Cruel World album — I just discovered this artist and I LOVE her! She reminds me of a cross between Gracie Abrams and Sabrina Carpenter, and the entire Cruel World album is a no skip!
Audrey Hobert — re-discovering Audrey has been so fun! She’s been recommended to me before, and I finally gave her a fair shot, and I really like her!
Carol Ades — Dreams — Carol is a new artist to me, in the same vain as Audrey Hobert, Holly Humberstone and Moody Joody. I still have to listen to the album, but this is such a fun song!
Moody Joody — Cuts Deep, Talk Me Down, Loretta’s Last Call — Moody Joody is a new artist to me too! I love when Spotify gives me great recs. Moody Joody kind of reminds me of Sixpence None the Richer, reminiscent to nostalgic summery vibes. Very into this.
Aly and AJ’s Into the Rush album — classic, iconic middle school Radio Disney throwback that is an abslolute necessity for this summer.
Hilary Duff - The Mine album! She re-recorded some of her classic songs, and I’m eating it up!
Gracie Abrams’ Daughter from Hell album — This is absolutely my most anticipated alnum of the year, I literally cannot wait for this. In prep, I’ve been listening to her two released singles from the album, Hit the Wall and Look at My Life. I will be absolutely insufferable when the album releases this week!
watching
In the name of Summerween, I have some movies on my list that I’ve started watching and summer is the perfect time for slashers — originals and remakes!
I Know What You Did Last Summer — Peak '90s slasher. A group of friends makes one terrible decision that refuses to stay buried, and they soon become the target of an unknown killer with a fish hook to seek revenge. I love a group of friends tied together by tragedy and secrets, as we know!
Scream — My favorite slasher film, hands down. A horror classic that somehow gets even better with every rewatch. Very meta, and honestly the only type of comedy I like in my horror movies. We follow Sydney Prescott who is being targeted by Ghostface for deep seeded reasons. I wrote an entire piece about why this is my favorite!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre — Another classic! Grimy, relentless, and a deeply disturbing slasher. It's one of those films that leaves you feeling like you need an everything shower afterward, which is probably the highest compliment a horror movie can receive. It’s nasty as hell, I can literally smell this movie.
House of 1000 Corpses — This movie is nasty as hell too! Rob Zombie was not playing around. We follow a group of friends who, of course, pick up a hitch hiker and chaos absolutely ensues.
Friday the 13th — Summer camp and slashers are practically inseparable at this point. Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake! Jason Vorhees, a classic slasher icon, terrorizes summer camp counselors for revenge.
Nightmare on Elm Street — The idea that sleep itself isn't safe still feels wildly creative decades later, and Freddy Krueger remains one of horror's most iconic villains for good reason. See him in your dreams!
Fear Street — I finally dove into this trilogy, and it was every bit as fun as people said it would be. Equal parts slasher, supernatural mystery, and nostalgic love letter to horror across multiple decades, it's the perfect binge if you're looking for something that balances scares with a surprisingly emotional story arc.
current hyperfixations
Chicken salad on tostadas — My neighbor had me over for an impromtu hang out this month, and we were snacking on her infamous chicken salad with some tostadas! I am addicted. Such a simple snack, but I’ve been making this ever since, and it’s perfect for the summer. I use shredded rotisserie chicken, a mayo concoction (dijon mustard, onion and garlic powder, salt and pepper) and chopped celery for a crunch (I would love to use red onion, but my stomach unfortunately doesn’t love onions). And you just use your tostadas to scoop the chicken salad! SO GOOD.
OLAFACTORY Fragrances — I cannot talk more highly about Olafactory. At Olafactory, you can custom create your own fragrences. I have made about four fragrances there, and if you’re a fragrence enthusiast like I am, this is literally Disneyland. There are several locations around the US (NYC, Philly, DC, Boston, Miami, Atlanta and Dallas) and I would recommend going in store if possible. If not, you can do the process online! The fragrences are extremely long lasting, and you can get whichever fragrence you make as a lotion too which I also highly recommend. LOVE this place! The fragrences I’ve made so far, I typically wear in the warmer months, so I’ve been wearing the hell out of mine this season!
Friendship bracelets and beads for keychains — I feel like this is a given, considering my theme of the summer but we’re getting crafty. I specifically am getting into making keychains! We need to bring back string friendship bracelets and lanyard keychains, quickly.
The Library — As I mentioned, I’m getting back into my reading era and the library has supplied 95% of the books that I have on my summer TBR. There are also so many free events that the library hosts (one of my best friends has a crochet club at hers!). I would love to get involved with more free events at my local library too. Additionally, there are certain perks that you can get as a member of the library. My favorite are the discounted movie tickets. We’re trying to have a low-budget middle school girl summer!
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gratitude notes
My AC for obvious reasons
Summerween and the entire horror genre because of who I am as a person
My core group of girls who support my every creative endeavor and indulge me
My WFH schedule that spares me from fighting for my life in the subway during the summer
Bodega deli sandwiches at the beach specifically — nothing like eating your sammy with a side of sand
july bucket list
Spend some time poolside
Make more bracelets and keychains at the beach
Have a cocktail outside on a warm summer night
Say yes to more things, and stay out until the sun comes up
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& what i’m looking forward to in july…
Late nights with friends
Kissing in the street
Reading in the sun
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As we continue to dive into the deep end of summer, I hope your days are occupied by things and people that make you feel loved, seen and understood (and plenty of sunscreen). Here’s to creating room for whatever makes your heart feel like something.
With love,
Stephanie
If my writing has resonated with you, if it’s given you language for something you couldn’t name, or helped you feel seen — supporting me here is a way to sustain that work. Thank you for being here, in whichever that way you are <3